Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
