Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
