I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
