Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
