I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
