i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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