used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
