Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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