Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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