I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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