eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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