I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
