what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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