I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
