Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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