only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
