She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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