That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im holly from the hills drunk
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
