so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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