I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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