Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
