we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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