I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
