I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!