I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!