im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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