do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake