Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b