Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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