for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.