If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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