i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
