It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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