turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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