What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
