can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she looked like the before picture.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
