My room smells like vodka and shame
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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