so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
