He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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