I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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