I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
