Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
