After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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