The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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