I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
