What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
