In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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