I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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