i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
