i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
