I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
