Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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