So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
