So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
