No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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