how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
