My room smells like vodka and shame
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
