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i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
