Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
