she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
