OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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