did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
