You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
