Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
