Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize